I didn’t always like my name Leah
I didn’t always like my name Leah. And wished people would call me Princess or Yhang, my nickname, instead. When I read about Leah’s story in the Bible (Genesis 29-35), where she felt unloved by her husband, it made me dislike my name even more. I could relate to her pain and disappointment, knowing that no matter what she did, her husband Jacob’s attention remained focused on her sister Rachel.
The story primarily focuses on Jacob’s relentless pursuit to marry Rachel, celebrated as a beautiful tale of love and determination. However, Leah’s side of the story captivated my attention, revealing her feelings of being unwanted, unloved, and possibly ignored. There is nothing inherently wrong with her; she did not choose to marry Jacob under those circumstances. Her father gave her to him under deceitful pretenses, prompting Jacob to commit to another seven years of labor for Rachel’s hand. Yet, I cannot shake off the empathy I feel for Leah, imagining the pain she endured in her quest for acceptance.
Leah yearned to be loved and accepted, like anyone else. This is why I struggled with my own name, Leah. During high school, I developed crushes on guys who did not reciprocate my feelings, leading to some of the worst teenage heartaches. I know I am not alone in this struggle. Many girls and women commonly experience the feeling of not being liked or accepted, which frequently prompts doubts regarding their worth and self-worth
Unreciprocated Care
It’s not just about romantic connections; I’ve encountered situations in life where I cared deeply for people and hoped for acceptance or reciprocity. My tendency to care genuinely often left me feeling hurt. It seemed that no matter how sincere and kind I was, I ended up feeling unwanted. It became a recurring pattern, and I began to question if caring deeply was my biggest flaw.
Despite my best efforts, it seemed that rejection was always the outcome
Coming across this post wasn’t a coincidence for me. Lately, I’ve been reflecting deeply on this issue in my life. I believe God is guiding me towards new insights and lessons. I’m open to learning, growing, and even being corrected. Though I’ve made progress, I still find myself holding with this issue to some extent. It feels like God has prompted me to pause and reflect on it for a reason.
Why do I find myself caring so deeply, even when I feel unappreciated? Why is it difficult to simply stop caring altogether? And why do I continue to invest in relationships, even when I sense insincerity? Despite feeling unreciprocated, I still hold onto love and concern for others. Yet, there’s a remaining sadness, wishing for the same treatment in return. I’ve come to accept that not everyone shares the same level of empathy and sincerity. And while I’ll continue to care and support, it’s disheartening to realize that I may not hold the same importance to them. It’s painful to yearn for friendship, only to feel insignificant in their eyes
God recognized her worth
When I wrestle with these emotions again, I’m reminded of Leah’s tale. Despite her sense of being overlooked, God recognized her worth. She bore children, a remarkable feat in her era, while Rachel faced infertility. It serves as a reminder that even when we feel undervalued and unseen by others, God sees our true essence. He watches over us, cherishes us, and bestows blessings beyond our imagination.
“Leah’s life teaches us that our worth is not defined by human standards but by God’s love for us. Though she was unloved by Jacob, God saw her pain and blessed her with children, including Judah, from whom the line of David and ultimately JESUS would come. Through Leah, we learn that God can bring beauty and purpose out of our deepest pain and disappointment.”
I’ve felt unwanted, and sometimes I still do. But I’ve decided to let go of those feelings and remember how God sees me. Even when I feel unseen by others, I trust that God sees the depths of my heart. I’ve had to repeatedly remind myself not to expect others to possess a heart like mine. Despite this, I remain committed to kindness and compassion towards them.
I choose not to hold grudges against those who make me feel unwanted. Instead, I pray for their happiness and success. However, I’m also learning to guard my own heart and know when to step back for my own peace of mind.
Audience of ONE
I also had a moment today when someone complimented me, saying, ‘I like how you dress up. I see so much confidence in you.’ It was the first time I’d been told I have confidence. For the longest time, I didn’t feel confident. But then, I realized God had been working on me. ‘You know, I’ve reached an age where I no longer concern myself with others’ acceptance. Because I know who I am,’ I replied. The truth is, whenever I struggle with seeking approval from others, I remind myself that the only validation I need is from God. Nothing else, no one else. I live for an audience of ONE.
I’m glad that my name is Princess Leah. I am God’s princess whose worth is found in His love.
Reflect on where you find your worth today. Take a moment to acknowledge the unseen efforts and kindnesses you offer. And when you feel unappreciated, remember: God sees it all. Trust in His recognition and continue to live with purpose and faith.
