The question I’ve been contemplating all day at work is, ‘What are the things you don’t like about Mommy?’ Today, I want to take Zoey out for a date and have a heart-to-heart with her.
Adjusting to life with Zaine was a big change for Mommy, Daddy, and especially for Zoey. Transitioning from being the only child to being a big sister wasn’t easy for her. We made sure to reassure Zoey that our love for her hadn’t changed, but it still took a lot of explaining and comforting.
Lately, I’ve noticed some jealousy between them regarding the attention we give. If I spend time, play, and laugh with one, the other reacts, sometimes with tantrums. So, I’ve been making an effort to equally divide my attention between them.
Mommy-Daughter Date Night
Tonight, I decided to have some one-on-one time with Zoey. We had a heart-to-heart about how much we love both her and Zaine and how grateful we are to have them in our lives. We had a mommy-daughter date night.
I was impressed by Zoey’s response. I had told her earlier that I wanted to talk about something important. We started by getting ice cream, taking a walk, and chatting about her school and friends. Then, I mentioned that I had something to discuss and suggested we sit on a bench facing the sea at the Renaissance Market. I wanted us to listen to the sound of the waves, feel the breeze, and admire the lights from the cruise ships.
Once we were seated, Zoey didn’t forget to ask, “Okay, Mommy, what do you want to tell me?” It struck me how grown-up she seemed, even though she’s only four.
What are the things you don’t like about mommy?
We began by talking about things she didn’t like about my behavior. “What are the things you don’t like about Mommy?” I asked. She started with when I raised my voice or got angry, and when I was too rough with her, especially when I paw paw her. Her response, particularly about me raising my voice, struck me deeply, especially since earlier today, my husband and I had talked about how our actions could impact Zoey. Her honesty was a powerful reminder for me to be more mindful of how I express my emotions around her.
I comforted my husband, reminding him that we’re not bad parents, just imperfect ones. We have our moments of frustration and anger, like everyone else. There are many reasons why we react the way we do in certain situations – work stress, household demands, you name it. The constant crying, complaining, and tantrums can be overwhelming at times. But when things get tough and exhaustion sets in, we remind each other that our kids won’t always be this little. It’s important for us to be patient and understanding with them, even when it’s difficult.
Listening to Zoey’s honest feelings was a precious experience for me. Despite her sharing some negative thoughts, I found it incredibly rewarding. It showed me that my efforts to create an environment where she feels comfortable expressing herself are paying off. From the start, I made it clear to my husband that I wanted our children to feel free to share their emotions with us, even if it might be difficult to hear. Our role as parents is to help them learn how to manage their feelings and express themselves appropriately. We aim to teach them the value of respect while still encouraging open communication.
The next question I posed to Zoey was why Mommy sometimes raised her voice or got upset. Her response, “Because I don’t listen, Mommy,” didn’t surprise me. I’ve always known that our daughter possesses wisdom beyond her years. I thanked God silently for that. Pausing for a moment, I looked into her eyes. She’s my daughter, and I adore her more than words can express. Though I wanted to cry, I held back the tears.
“Do you remember the verse Daddy taught you from the Bible?” I asked gently. “In Colossians 3:20, it says, ‘Children, obey your parents for this is the will of God.'” Zoey corrected me, saying, “Mommy, it’s not like that. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” Oops, my bad.
Moving on to the next question about why she cries whenever I carry or play with Zaine, Zoey’s answer, “Because Zaine is sweet,” seemed simple, but I sensed there was more to it. Deep down, she might have felt like we only love Zaine. So, once again, I reassured her that I love both her and Zaine equally, and that Daddy and Mommy cherish them both dearly. “Okay, Mommy,” she answered.
As we wrapped up our conversation, I asked Zoey what she liked about Mommy. Her response was heartwarming: “When you tickle me, when you care for me, when you make funny faces, when you sing for me, when you cook, etc.” Listening to her, I realized that what Zoey truly craved was our time. It dawned on me that as parents, we often overlook the fact that our children don’t necessarily need extravagant gifts or toys; what they really need is us—our presence and our time.
After our heartfelt conversation, Zoey and I decided to play a game of tag and then headed to the arcade to enjoy some games together. When we returned home, just before she went to sleep, I took a moment to apologize for anything that might have hurt her. Then, I made sure to express to her just how much I love her. These little moments of connection mean the world to both of us.
Lessons for today
The lesson for today as parents is that we shouldn’t be afraid of correction, even if it comes from our children. It’s important to be open to hearing their hearts because their feelings are valid. We should encourage them to express themselves, and it’s our responsibility to explain to them why we do certain things. Our role is to train and raise them to be better individuals because they are the next generation.
Both my husband and I have felt God’s guidance in our parenting decisions. We were determined not to let Zoey grow up harboring bitterness because she didn’t feel understood. Our daughter used to be such a joyful child. However, with the arrival of Zaine, who is now one year old, and the increasing demands of daily life, we may have unintentionally neglected the quality time Zoey needed. As a result, she began to seem more serious and frequently upset.
Feeling convicted that we needed to reassess our approach, I turned to prayer today. I felt God was telling us to make a change, so I decided to take Zoey out on a date after work. It’s moments like these where I’m reminded of the importance of listening to God’s guidance in our parenting journey.
Zoey and I made a plan together: she would start helping us teach and train Zaine. I explained to her that we needed her assistance in this journey. By involving her in this way, we hoped to prevent her from feeling left out. It’s important to us that both our children feel valued and included in our family dynamics.
My other personal thoughts
I’m not hesitant to share this, even if it means revealing my weaknesses as a parent. It’s become clear to me that I need God’s help to raise these beautiful angels. I may not be a perfect mom, but I’m committed to doing my best to improve. Despite knowing that I’ll stumble many times, I refuse to apologize for it because that’s how I learn and grow. Since getting married and having children, everything in my life has changed completely. I’ve experienced highs and lows, moments of giving up and getting back up again. But through it all, I remain grateful for the life God has blessed me with—the opportunity to be a wife and a mother.
So, whether you’re already a parent or still considering it, I hope this story inspires you. We all need God’s guidance in everything we do. As Philippians 4:13 reminds us, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” So, no matter where you are on your parenting journey, always remember to turn to the ultimate source of strength. God’s got this!
Have a lovely night/day! 🙂
