The sweet encounter…
Today, I woke up around 5:30 to feed my three-month-old son, Zaine. And my head was full of thoughts about all the things going on these days. So I prayed, “Lord, my head is so full of things, some that I don’t even want to think about. I am tired. If you want to say something, I will listen. As I read your Word, I want to hear your voice.” I don’t mean to be demanding but I know that I will have peace about this if I just hear it from Him through the Bible. And the sweet encounter with Him happened.
I’ve stopped attending worship services for almost a year, which happened after the pandemic. It was because we are all cautious about our health especially for my daughter since she’s just young. But over time, I really didn’t want to go back for many reasons. I got bitter about our situation in life, at the same to the people who I believed would inspire me but when I came to realize it, I have so many disappointments and discouragements.
My family started attending again by last year. If I would be honest, I didn’t feel any passion to be working in the ministry or anything like that again. I do not blame anyone because we are all responsible for our faith and walk with the Lord. Nevertheless, we should be accountable to each other as brethren in Christ.
Igniting the fire again: Sweet Encounter
He is igniting the fire again, I know it well. I felt the burden even on the things I shouldn’t be. I think that is mostly one of the main reasons for me running away from Him. Because I don’t think I am ready again to do what He wants and in the end, you’re the one hurting. I admit, I had so much pain in the ministry in the past. Doing things for the Lord in an organization is fulfilling but at the same time heartbreaking.
But I don’t want to sound that working for the Lord isn’t fun at all. In fact, it was the best years of my life when I fully gave my heart to the works of the Lord through leadership and just simply loving the people of God.
Sadly, I got tired, hurt, and wounded. Burnt out.
But all I wanted at this time is a sweet encounter with the Lord.
Even Jesus’ disciples left their families to follow Him
The truth is, God wants us, His children, to obey Him. But just like any other, we keep running away. And these past few days, these words keep popping into my head “Even Jesus’ disciples left their families to follow HIM”
I know that this is not literally leaving your loved ones behind. Because I believe that our families are our first ministry. Rather, God wants me to seek HIM first, to prioritize HIM once again, because yeah, I guess I am just good at running. And reminding me this constantly by God is truly a work of a loving father. Even though I kept saying No, he’ll show and reveal His messages in a very touching and unique way.
God speaks and he keeps calling me. Sometimes I wonder if the Lord wants to call me now ‘Jonah’ (a character in the Bible who ran away from God’s calling) instead of my name, Princess. Was he like ‘Girl, that’s enough, it’s been too long that you’ve been running.’ HAHA, I’m sorry just imagining how God not getting tired of me. I’m grateful because up to this point in my life, God has been patient with me.
‘Even Jesus’ disciples’ left their families to follow Him’ might be His words telling me to stop running away and follow HIM with my family. That I could say ‘As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.’
The Scripture
As I opened my Bible app on my phone, while hugging my baby boy to sleep, God spoke to me through the Scripture. The verse of today in my YouVersion Bible app appeared (John 14:1)
Jesus said to his disciples, “Don’t be worried! Have faith in God and have faith in me.2 There are many rooms in my Father’s house. I wouldn’t tell you this, unless it was true. I am going there to prepare a place for each of you. 3 After I have done this, I will come back and take you with me. Then we will be together. 4 You know the way to where I am going.”
John 14:1-4
As I kept reading through the chapter, one verse caught my attention.
The Spirit will show you what is true. The people of this world cannot accept the Spirit, because they don’t see or know him. But you know the Spirit, who is with you and will keep on living in you.
John 14:17
Today, I was just desperate to go closer to Him and hear his voice. Like what I have said, I’ve been running. I don’t know if I am ready for His word, for His calling again. Because it feels like I cannot do anything for Him with other ministers, because of my situation. It is not easy to commit.
I have two kids, a toddler, and a newborn. A working mom plus doing a side hustle to add income to our growing family. Don’t even have time to comb my hair, I should say to even own a comb at all. I am not even lying. I will leave my hair tied in a few days. When I wash it, I just wash it and leave to go to work or to do anything. I miss my ME time but I couldn’t make any time for myself. I am working on it. On top of that, I also feel at times that I am not doing enough for my kids.
First Ministry
So, following Christ is not easy and I am not telling this for me to have a scold that “others can do it, so you can”. I know that but I really am in the stage where I have to learn to manage and balance my time. For family, friends, and ministry – for God.
I grew up in a Christian family, and I used to be very active in activities in our church. But as you grow older, priorities changed. But one thing I realized, is that doesn’t mean your ministry for the Lord stopped. Having a family and prioritizing them is my first ministry. And the Lord will just help us to do the other things for others, as we learn to balance life, I guess.
Maybe I haven’t been seen at church lately, but that doesn’t mean I stopped believing in God. The truth is all the times passed that I haven’t been there are precious because I get to know HIM deeper. That’s when you realized that sometimes you just get busy with the kingdom of God but not with the KING.
Fix your Eyes on Jesus
This I share because I know and believe that God is speaking and I had to share it to whoever needs to hear it now. He is the only One who can show us what is true in this world full of false and fake. The Lord has been telling me to fix my eyes on the ONE true God. Fix your eyes on Jesus who is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.
If you know the Spirit, you know HE is with you and will keep living in you. And when I read these words. I was touched because though I thought, I was far, the Holy Spirit never left me. He’s been talking to me and I just don’t want to hear, I guess.
As I keep reading further on this chapter, and then reminded me “I give you peace, the kind of peace only I can give. It isn’t like the peace this world can give. So don’t be worried and afraid.”
I know exactly that the Lord was talking to me. I am worried, distracted, and afraid of the things to happen. But he reassured me that He himself, the Prince of Peace will be with me. How comforting it is to know that the Lord has been so patient with me though I am so stubborn.
The Encounter
Here’s the sweet encounter…
And I got up, put my baby down on the crib. I went to the living in my desk and told God, “I will begin again, I don’t mind starting over again to know you deeper.” I opened my Bible to the book of John where the life of Jesus is written. As I begin reading, my eyes are shedding tears, I couldn’t control it. I closed my eyes and prayed. Not even saying a word but know that the Lord is hearing my heart. At this moment I know I’m about to encounter His sweet presence and embrace.
“I miss you, God” I really do…crying my heart out.
What happened in the past was all planned for me to understand Him more and run to Him even more, like never before. He is the only ONE who can touch your heart full of love and compassion.
When the Lord was calling his disciples, in verse 48 of chapter one “Nathanael said to Him “How do you know me? Jesus answered and said to him “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.”
And I broke down…
God has been looking at me, He sees me, He knows me, and HE knows my name. Though sometimes I don’t feel like it, the truth said that even before the world began, God has seen us.
Nathanael was amazed that Jesus knew him, though this was their first encounter. And he believed that Jesus is the Messiah. “You will see greater things than these” (v50b) Jesus said this after that. When we believe, God will let us see greater things, more than we could ever imagine. That is when we BELIEVE.
Conclusion
I know this is Jesus’ story but also alive in our time. God speaks through His word. And this encounter with Him is very beautiful. And this is His way of telling me to follow Him, that GOD has in store greater things for us when we believe.
Making time for Him is the key. His Word is true and beautiful, I prayed that the Lord ignite the fire again in my heart in knowing Him more, deeper, and serving Him wholeheartedly together with my family. Because once again, life is living for HIM. He created us for the purpose of living for HIM.
He is worthy of our obedience. This is my sweet encounter with the Lord, but I also believe that this message is for everyone. God wants you. He wants your obedience. Not to burden you, because, at the end of the day, the one who benefited the most when we follow Jesus is us.
Written: May 19, 2023
Have a great day! May the Lord’s peace be with you.
Love, Princess
