Chapter 9: Heart Paths: Love, Friends & Faith

NOTE: IN THIS FICTIONAL TALE, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ACTUAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, OR EXISTING LOCATIONS IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL AND UNINTENDED.

Hello, dear readers. As promised, here’s another chapter. I appreciate those who continue to follow this story of love and friendship – Unspoken Words, Admiring You from Afar.

For those who haven’t read it yet, you can read it here.

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Chapter 9: Heart Paths: Love, Friends & Faith

As I sorted through the stacks of merchandise in the store, I mustered the courage to ask Megan, “Hey, would you be up for grabbing coffee at Starbucks later after work?” I didn’t bring up the exchanging numbers, but I genuinely wanted to be there for her during this phase of her life.

Admittedly, I felt a twinge of hurt, thinking she might not have considered my feelings. However, I recognized that I couldn’t hold her to anything she might have with Bryan. Despite Megan insisting he’s not her type, I couldn’t shake the feeling that she did like him, and I couldn’t blame her. There were plenty of reasons to admire him. It was just tough for me to accept that we both shared an interest in him.

Realizing we’re not in high school, where girls fight over a guy, I chuckled at the ridiculousness of it. I’d never been a fan of such drama – always choosing peace over petty conflicts. If it meant stepping back for her happiness, I was willing to do it. I believed I could handle the pain, and the thought brought a smirk to my lips.

Caught in my thoughts, Megan playfully teased, “What’s going on in that head of yours, girl?”

I chuckled, realizing that despite my swirling thoughts, I managed to laugh. “Oh, nothing. Just remembered something funny,” I replied, deciding not to go through into the complexities in my mind. “So, are we still on for tonight?” I asked, seeking confirmation of our plans.

“Yeah, sure,” Megan responded. The night progressed as usual at work, with Bryan and Megan engaging in light teasing. He playfully suggested she remove her eyelashes, thinking they were fake. Megan retorted, “Dear, those are my real eyelashes.” Their kidding continued with Bryan counting the times she went to the bathroom, and Megan jokingly inviting him to join her, saying, “C’mon, you can hold my hands.”

Megan recounted these exchanges to me, seemingly unaware of my internal struggles. I would force a smile and comment, “Oh, that’s cool. At least you guys are joking around, and he’s smiling.” Megan occasionally complained that Bryan never smiled, but I would discreetly disagree, knowing he does smile at me “At you, alone,” she said with a smirk.

There were moments when I felt flattered that Bryan mirrored my smiles. I pondered if it was genuine or if he felt compelled to do it because I smiled at everyone. Smiling at people was a part of who I am – a reflex that I couldn’t explain. However, it wasn’t always ideal. I had faced misunderstandings, especially from guys who misinterpreted my friendly smiles as something more.

Learning this the hard way, I discovered the importance of discerning when and to whom to offer a smile. The struggle was real, but I adapted. Despite the challenges, there were times when I chose to smile at everyone, refusing to let the fear of misinterpretation hold me back. After all, why should I restrain my natural warmth for the sake of someone else’s misguided thoughts?

Starbucks time

We headed to Starbucks, where I ordered a hot café mocha, and Megan chose for a strawberry frappuccino. However, our beverages didn’t quite hit the spot, so we sought out a food truck and indulged in some fries and chicken wings – embracing our love for food, even if it wasn’t the healthiest choice at that hour.

As the clock neared 10 pm, the surrounding establishments in the open mall began to close down. Despite this, Megan and I remained engrossed in conversation. “So, girl, how are you, really?” I inquired, hoping to persuade some thoughts and emotions. I intended to offer a space for her to share, to lighten the burden she might be carrying. Sometimes, all we need is to let things out of our heads to feel a bit better.

Megan told me she’s not okay, and I listened. When she questioned her worth after a breakup, I reassured her, saying, “Don’t feel less about yourself. This doesn’t make you less.” We had pauses in our conversation, and I made sure she felt heard. Then, I shared my experiences.

I told her that tough times can be a beautiful moment with God. I shared how I met David when I focused on knowing God deeply while waiting for a partner. I wished the same for Megan, urging her to deepen her relationship with God and to respect herself.

I emphasized that she doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone; God loves her as she is. I encouraged her to see herself as worthy of pursuit and marriage. Our conversation also touched on Megan’s healing journey and her current coping mechanisms.

I offered encouragement to Megan as she goes through this challenging time. I suggested that she keep herself busy, focusing on becoming the woman that God wants her to be and someone that a man would want to be with. It’s not just about our physical appearance; it’s about the state of our hearts and who we are on the inside.

We discussed Derek, and I didn’t like how fast he was moving. Megan talked to him about staying friends, but he didn’t back off, claiming a special connection. I saw red flags and expressed concern about his intentions, noting possible issues with lust.

I chose not to bring up Bryan and Megan exchanging numbers. At that moment, I felt it was more important to listen to her and be there for her. Even though a part of me wanted to share my feelings, I decided to put my own emotions aside and focus on supporting Megan.

We wrapped up the night with a prayer, and the weight of pain was recognizable. But knowing God is a source of peace, I believe we will both sleep well tonight. Once home, my phone chimed with a message from Elena. “Girl, did you talk to her?”

“I did, but not about how I feel. We went for coffee, and I just wanted to be there for her. I’m okay, thanks for asking,” I replied. Elena, always sweet, complimented me, saying, “Lindsey, you really have a beautiful soul. You are a good friend. We are so blessed to have you.”

Her kind words meant a lot, but they left me pondering, “Am I really a good person?” Thoughts about David and Bryan surfaced, accompanied by guilt. I couldn’t shake the feelings I have for Bryan, despite being married. It left me conflicted, wondering if there was more to this feeling ‘so connected’ with Bryan that I couldn’t figure out.

It’s clear to me that everyone faces struggles, and I pray for the wisdom we all need to get through them. Megan is healing, and I’m hopeful that by seeking God during this tough time, she’ll emerge even stronger.

Elena, too, is going through a tough time with her partner. While I believe he’s a good guy, Elena came to work with puffy eyes one day, and when I asked, she burst into tears. She shared how her boyfriend said hurtful things. It broke my heart when she expressed, “All I want is to be loved and accepted. Is it really that difficult? Am I not deserving of that kind of love?”

Gabriela, despite her young age, once confided in me about being bullied when she was younger. She had a friend who used to control her every move, turning her into a kind of servant or puppet. She endured it for a while, but eventually, she found the strength to let go of toxic people in her life and walked away from that unhealthy friendship.

In the midst of it all, I’m wrestling with my emotions. As a married woman, I’ve found myself attracted to someone else. Though, I’ve made the decision to keep my admiration from a distance, but there’s a part of me that also yearns to be noticed. There’s a genuine hope within me that he might feel the same way. Do I want to know? Honestly, yes. Yet, I’m afraid of what might happen if that were to be revealed.

It’s a shared experience for all of us to struggle with the desire for acceptance and love. As I reflect on these situations, I sense the Lord speaking to me. He emphasizes that people on earth, even those we love, might hurt us, but His love is genuine and comforting. Only Him can love us deeply and unconditionally. Acknowledging this, we may go through challenging times to fully comprehend that God is the only one we truly need. My prayer is that my friends will also grasp this perspective. Once we do, we won’t seek love from others because His love is more than sufficient.