An Open Letter to Myself

Dear Princess,

It’s okay to be not okay sometimes. What you are going through right now is not unplanned. God knows it, and he knows what He is doing. I want you to hang in there. I want you to see your worth again.

Negative thoughts, extreme sadness, and feeling so low are not pleasant, I know. But here’s the thing, “Now is not Forever.” There is a time for everything. Everyone experiences hardships and pains. Doubts and fears are so present in you right now, but I know you know what to do about it.

Open your heart again, open your Bible, and remind yourself how God sees you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I understand if these past few days, you have been struggling,  not doing anything, staying in the room, not going out, and procrastinate the whole day. It’s been two weeks, I’ve seen you suffer that long. I understand, but aren’t you getting up this time? That’s enough, Princess. You have to get up and pull yourself together.

Those choices and poor decisions you made are all in the past now, please get up and move on. Do not dwell on the past. People around you will say something, will judge you, and even gossip about you, but please be reminded that your worth doesn’t depend on their opinions. Let it be and let it go. Do not be too harsh on yourself. You are not a bad person. You are not what you think you are. You’ve been telling yourself that you are dumb, nothing, and such a disappointment. Well, you are so wrong. It’s the enemy that keeps instilling those on your head. God doesn’t look at you that way.

You are a jolly person, you are responsible, you are smart, and you can do anything for God gives you strength. You are loved and highly favored. Don’t you remember all the prayer answered? Why are you so sad?

Remember His love towards you, Princess. You asked for it, right? You wanted to experience having a parent around. God answered you. He brought you here in Aruba, where you can see your father. One Happy Island? Yes, it’s not as happy when you were in the Philippines, but admit it there are things in here that make you happy as well. Remember those and see the beauty of life. Enjoy them, and be thankful.

Do you remember when you asked God to bring your siblings here? You were crying almost every day, asking God to bring them. God did. It was a great day for you, and you were grateful.

See? God answers prayers; He will grant our requests at the right time. An unexpected and uncontrolled situation happened; your sister needed to go back to the Philippines. It was an awful season for you and your family. But God helped everyone to get up. That’s part of His plan, so you learned to let go.

How about the request you asked about your first employer? Every day was a struggle for you, but you endured it for three years? You didn’t show to everyone that it’s tough because you focused on His promises.

“He will not leave you nor forsake you; he will rescue you.” I can still remember how happy you were the night you took all your things out of that house. You can’t help but cry and whisper when you were in the car “I am free. Thank you, Lord,” Tears fell. They were tears of joy. You persevered, you endured the years, Princess. It was not easy, but you finished it. You can do anything. Don’t you believe that?

After that day, you went home to your father’s house. You brought all your things together with your heart, hopeful that there will be doors of opportunity coming. You needed someone to sign again for you for your next permit. You didn’t do anything, but God sends your next employer right in front of you. He’s been faithful. I guess He really wants you to stay on the island. You didn’t have any problem with the permit. He loves you so.

While others struggle to have a permit, some were living here for quite some years, and yet they don’t have a legal permit. Here you are, enjoying all the freedom and benefits. God is good in your life.

Just last year, you received a monster blessing. Your US Visa was approved, and you got to see your Mommy in the US. It was your first time to spend that long, one month with her after she left abroad when you were 5years old. Isn’t it amazing? God is so good to you. Other Filipinos were told that only those who have the residence permit could be approved. It means only those who have 10permits, 10years living in Aruba. You only had four permits at that time. They also said that you should have a property here. You don’t have any. There are a lot of reasons not to be approved, to be honest, but your visa still has been approved. I told you, You are highly favored. That is for you. That’s His gift for you. So pull yourself together and be grateful, count your blessings.

You have finished your contract from the second employer. They were so lovely to you. It’s a blessing. Did God forget about you? He wants you to know that He is in control. Sometimes you think, you can’t handle things anymore, but God shows His mercy and grace. Recently, you just got an appointment for your next permit. Did God ever forsake you? No. He sends another one to sign for you, and you didn’t chase for it. God is using people for you to see that everything is under control.

But didn’t you know why you got all the answers? These are only some of His blessings to you. You know, you had more. But are these enough to remind you He knows everything? He answered every single thing you asked, you know why?

Today, I will remind you why. You got lost these past few days, but today I will tell you again. It is because you BELIEVE. It’s already given and proven that God loves you so much. But God was delighted because you have believed. You let Him take control of everything, and you just trust Him that He can do impossible things possible.

When God says, “YES,” no one can stop him. He will fulfill his plans in your life no matter what. So why don’t you let him do it again? Believe again? Believing means even you don’t see the answer yet, you still stay calm and let him take control. His answers are on the way now. Behind the scenes, he is working. You can’t understand that far, but sooner or later, you will. He will reveal them to you. 

While you are waiting, why don’t you worship again? That’s what you usually do. You pour out your heart to Him no matter how difficult the situation is because you know that this is the only and best thing you can ever be done while you are waiting — Worship.

You are thanking Him for all He has done in your life, giving him the glory for all the achievements you have received. Whatever his answers to your questions and requests,  you receive them freely because you are trusting him.

Repeat these to Him “I will still love you even when it hurts” I will still choose you no matter what. I want you in my life, “I will worship no matter what the circumstances” You know when you worship, you found peace, joy, and love, you found life. That’s where you belong, Princess. In HIS presence. 

So let it be. Let it go. Lay it all down. Trust Him. Believe that He has greater plans in your life. God believes in you, so you have to believe in yourself again. These trials are nothing compare to what God has prepared for you in the future. Fix yourself, fix your eyes on Him again. He is all you need. Do not worry about what people may say. Listen to what God is telling you. So get up and be confident in Him. 

You are a Princess. His Princess. His daughter. Smile and be confident. You are beautiful.

 ** I had to remind myself, so I wrote these things in my planner/journal. Thank you for reading. Yes, I struggle, but I will get up, so I hope and pray for those who also experience the same thing, the letter is for you too. He loves you so. Love yourself too.

Stand up, stand out and Shine!

Written/Published: January 18, 2017