Avoiding him doesn’t really make me feel better; if anything, it makes me feel worse. I thought it was the right move, but now I just want to be closer to him. Sometimes, I get the sense that he’s avoiding me too, and thinking about it stings my heart a bit.
To get through the day, I have to pep talk myself a lot. My supervisor noticed I wasn’t my usual cheerful self and asked if I was sick. It wasn’t just her – Megan and a front desk agent also picked up on it. “You looked down today, are you okay?” they’d ask. They’re used to me being upbeat, so any change stands out.
I’d brush it off, saying I’m just tired and need more sleep. “A cup of coffee, and I’ll be fine,” I’d add. But inside, I’d tell myself, You’re not allowed to be sad, Lindsey Althea. It’s too obvious. So get yourself together. It’s like a silent battle between how I feel and what everyone expects.
MEGAN
On another note, I couldn’t help but notice Megan returning to her usual self in the past few days. “You guys got back together?” I asked her outright. It turns out, they are giving it another shot, but this time, they’re taking baby steps. I marveled at her strength and bravery in welcoming him back into her life. Personally, I don’t think I could accept being an option, but everyone’s different. Who am I to judge? She must have her reasons, and love, perhaps, plays a significant role. I hope this time around brings them the sweetness they deserve; they do say love is sweeter the second time around.
I’m proud of her. She’s navigating this cautiously, taking it slow, and turning to prayer for guidance. It might be the answer they need to rediscover each other and learn from their past experiences. On the flip side, it could also be a test to determine if being together again is truly worthwhile. Ultimately, the decision rests with them, and I’m here to offer my support, no matter what.
Wait, this realization sinks in – there won’t be a Bryan and Megan, but there won’t be a Bryan and Lindsey either, anyways.
One time, she asked me what if Bryan confronted you? If he confesses to you? What would you do? I was left pondering. After all, I had never thought about it, at first, because I didn’t think that would ever happen. Looking at his personality, there’s no chance he would ever done that. Secondly, if he knows me and my status, I know for sure, he won’t do it. And thirdly, I am not even sure if he sees me that way. I set my mind, that I was the only one looking and admiring him from afar.
“I would be glad to talk things out with him” I answered. I think it would be a beautiful conversation if ever he had something for me as well. It would be flattering to know if he feels the same. Yet, I had the feeling, if we ever talked things out, the ending is still the same.
ELENA
Elena and I share more than just the lively facade we put on at work; we’re kindred spirits who can see through each other’s masks. Despite our efforts to show up to work with smiles, we both know when something’s amiss. It’s a silent understanding we have.
One day, after a tense encounter with Derek, I felt a rush of past traumas. His behavior towards me triggered memories I thought I’d overcome. Back at work, Elena sensed my shift in vibe, even though I tried to mask it with a forced smile. Eventually, I confided in her, revealing the weight of my past. In response, Elena showered me with compliments, insisting that the Lord sent me into her life, along with Megan and Gabriela. She made it a point never to look down on myself. And reminded me that she look up to me.
While their kind words touched my heart, I always reminded Elena that the transformation wasn’t solely me but a work of God within. I remember the advice my godfather, who is a pastor gave me since young, praises are like perfume, pleasant to the nose, but potentially poisonous if swallowed.
Grateful for the inspiration I provide, I remain vigilant not to let it consume me, acknowledging that it is God who has taken me to unimaginable heights.
Also, we both shared craziness. I love that about Elena. There was a time when Elena accompanied me to the bathroom. Observing Bryan’s gaze, she exclaimed, “Did you see that? It’s my first time seeing him look at you that way.” Confused, I inquired, “What do you mean? What kind of look?” Elena chimed in, “Girl, he looked at you from head to toe, but it was with respect. It’s like he looks up to you.”
With Megan present as well, I blurted out, “But girl, I don’t want him to respect me.” Their eyes shot me a strange and suspicious look. A brief, awkward silence hung in the air until we all burst into laughter. Me and my thoughts, huh? I had to clarify that it wasn’t what they were thinking. What I meant was, if he truly had that level of respect for me, why didn’t he just talk to me like normal friends do? Sometimes, the tangled threads of my thoughts lead to amusing misunderstandings. The laughter lasts a few minutes. It’s wonderful to have a supportive group of people in your life who can appreciate and embrace your craziness.
She even suggested Bryan and I should go somewhere, grab a meal or coffee, and chat – just be friends. I responded, “Girl, are you hearing yourself? I’m married. I don’t think it’s appropriate.” But, to be honest, the idea did excite me for a moment. But I know he would never do that.
But Elena, sweet and sincere, often marvels at my goodness. I don’t know what she sees in me, but I redirect the credit to my GOD. Our conversations delve into the profound aspects of life, sharing experiences and lessons. She opens up about her past, acknowledging mistakes, and I reassure her that her history doesn’t define her. In our talks, I extend prayers for her courage and strength as she continues her journey, grateful for the connection that goes beyond workplace friendship.
GABRIELA
It’s great to see my baby, the youngest in the group, Gabriela, thriving in her school commitments. Despite her strong personality, she carries a beautiful heart. There was a time when we shared the same work shift and one evening, we found ourselves engrossed in a discussion with differing views. I presented my perspective, and she articulated her strong stance. As her departure approached, she turned to me and asked, “Althea, we’re good, right?” I understood she was referring to our earlier debate, and I assured her that, of course, we were. I appreciated that we could hold opposing opinions yet remain friends.
Before leaving, she confided, “You know that I look up to you, right?” It was a touching acknowledgment, and I felt grateful for our bond.
Expressing the joy in our friendship, I told Gabriela that I cherished our ability to engage in debates and discussions with differing views while maintaining our bond as friends. It’s a quality I value – the freedom for her to express herself without hesitation, knowing that our friendship remains unshaken, regardless of differing opinions. Creating a space where she feels comfortable being herself and sharing her thoughts openly, is something I strive for in our friendship. In the tapestry of our connection, the threads of mutual respect and understanding blend a beautiful pattern that celebrates our differences rather than letting them divide us.
ONE AFTERNOON…
One afternoon at work, while alone, I found myself silently praying about my feelings. Despite Bryan not actively seeking a closer connection, I couldn’t shake this sense of attachment. I asked God to simply take away these emotions and guide me to focus on His will. Building strong friendships with my colleagues, which was an answered prayer, became a source of fulfillment. My desire is to be a blessing to them and anyone I encounter. I aim to live out my purpose, believing that we are created by God and for God. So, I remain open to His purpose in my life, ready to live it out.
I chose not to dwell on my feelings towards Bryan and simply seek God with this. While praying, I have these words popping in my head repeatedly. And I am confused if it’s my thoughts or God speaking to me. I couldn’t figure that out clearly. The voice is telling me to tell these words to someone:
- ‘When the time is right, I, the Lord will make it happen.’
- Don’t feel less about yourself. I have created you wonderfully.
- I have given you gifts and talents, I want you to use them for my glory.
I want you to tell Bryan these. ‘Are these my thoughts or is this yours, Lord? Well, I don’t want to do anything. I am not going there to tell him. Me and my stubbornness.‘Lindsey, these are your thoughts. Stop overthinking. Let’s just ignore these.’ I tell myself.
I kept hearing these thoughts and a voice, so I made a deal with God. I prayed, “If this is really you talking to me, God, give me a confirmation. Let Bryan come over here, and I’ll bravely tell him.” I know Bryan doesn’t usually come to the store, so part of me thinks it’s just my own thoughts. But the words are so consistent and clear that I started to doubt and believe it might be God speaking to me. To be sure, I wrote everything down on paper with the time and date. If Bryan comes today, I’ll just show him what I wrote.
Gabriela arrived, and we had a chat. I didn’t mention the voice I was hearing, but I told her, “Hey, I have a feeling Bryan might come to buy something here today.” She seemed surprised and said, “Really? He rarely comes here.”
As Bryan passed by and paused at the door, my heart raced. When he opened the door, I thought, ‘Okay, Lord, I have to obey.’ My heart was pounding, and I wondered how I would tell him. As I finished cashing him out, I mustered the courage. I blurted out, “Bryan, this is a bit strange, but I feel like God wants you to know something.” I grabbed the stapled paper and opened it, explaining that during my afternoon prayer, I felt that God wanted to tell him these words. I admitted I didn’t know what he was going through, but I was certain that God wanted him to be reassured and affirmed in whatever challenges he might be facing.
It was a challenging moment wrestling with my feelings and God’s prompting. I almost didn’t follow through, but when I got home and reflected on what happened, tears welled up in my eyes. Not because it was about Bryan, but because I recognized that I had heard God’s voice. It turned out to be the sweetest day ever, and I’ll never forget it. The fact that this time, I obeyed God left my heart satisfied and fulfilled.
Reflecting on this, I recalled moments in my life when I heard God’s voice but stubbornly dismissed it as just my thoughts. Back in my first job, I had a vision of my manager and supervisor entering into a business venture that would end in a fight, breaking their friendship. It seemed odd at the time because they were close. Fast forward eight years, after moving to a different job, I reconnected with my former supervisor. When I asked about the manager, I learned that my vision had come true. They had indeed started a business together, but it ended in a dispute, leading to the dissolution of their friendship.
It was a moment of realization for me as I remembered the voice and the vision from my past. I wondered if things could have been different if I had shared those insights with the people involved. It struck me that the Lord had been trying to communicate with me all along, and I had been avoiding it. This time, however, I was glad that I had the courage to convey what God wanted me to say.
As for Bryan, I questioned whether the connection I felt with him was for a purpose. Was I meant to understand and share in his feelings? Was he in need of love or friendship? I couldn’t be certain. The initial thoughts I had when I first saw him at the Front desk resurfaced: ‘What are you doing here?’
While I believe in Bryan’s abilities, I also sensed that there might be greater opportunities for him elsewhere, though I couldn’t pinpoint where. My prayers are with him, hoping that he’ll recognize his potential soon. When I shared those words with him, I could see the impact as he had teary eyes. I genuinely wanted to hug him, but instead, I entrusted that to God through my prayers.
BRYAN OLIVER
There was this moment when Megan and I struck up a friendship with one of the bellmen at the hotel. Bryan happened to walk by, visible through a glass wall from the store. Without thinking, I blurted out, ‘Oh, my Bryan.’ Megan and the bellman shot me teasing looks. Oops, I hadn’t intended to spill my thoughts. I laughed it off, and they joined in, still giving me those playful glances. I signaled the bellman not to spill the beans to Bryan, but he did anyway. My embarrassment turned my face as red as a tomato.
When Bryan looked my way, his smile… oh, it was something else. It was the first time I had seen him light up so genuinely. It seemed like he enjoyed what he heard. In my head, I thought, “Dang it! I know I can make you happy; I just can’t seem to do it.” Overall, his smile was a captivating blend of warmth, sincerity, and the kind of charm that stuck in my mind.
“He’s smiling,” Megan exclaimed, genuinely taken aback. It was a rare sight, considering Bryan’s usual demeanor—serious and quiet. I found myself nodding in agreement.
My curiosity about him only deepened. I often wondered about his mindset, wanting to delve into the principles and views that shaped his life. Would there ever be an opportunity for us to engage in a meaningful conversation? He seemed like the kind of person who harbored depth, and those kinds of conversations were right up my alley. There’s something undeniably appealing about mysterious guys; their puzzling nature leaves us, ladies, intrigued and eager to unravel the mysteries of their thoughts.
DAVID
After a long day at work, eagerly anticipating my bed, I opened the door to a familiar voice exclaiming, ‘Surprise.’ It was David. I hugged him tightly, unable to hold back my tears, saying, ‘I miss you.’ It had been 8 months, and as we embraced, I realized this is my home; he is my home. I missed my husband so much.
David brought me some branded bags and clothes, but I reassured him he didn’t have to. Having him here with me was already something to be grateful for. Excitedly, he shared some good news, ‘Babe, I’ll be staying here for good. No more working abroad.’
Overwhelmed with happiness, I responded, ‘I am so happy to hear that, Babe.’ Tears continued to fall. I had struggled with my emotions during his absence, feeling a distance in our connection. Even though I knew I loved him wholeheartedly, I couldn’t forgive myself for being attracted to someone else. Now, with him here, I felt confident that we could work through the challenges in our relationship
The night felt endless, and as we settled into bed, my mind was in turmoil. “Are you okay, babe? Is something bothering you?” he asked. “I’ll tell you tomorrow; just have a good rest tonight, okay?” I responded. I felt the need to be honest with my husband. Tomorrow, I would tell him about Bryan.
Unable to sleep, I glanced at my husband peacefully asleep beside me. I got up quietly, made my way to the desk, and reached for my journal.
Are you thinking about me? Because I do. I can't believe it myself. Why have I fallen for you, When you don't make a move to be closer? It's okay, but I'm surprised By the depth of emotions I've invested in you. I don't know where it's coming from Or when it will stop. Admiring you from a distance Brings both joy and pain. I thought I could just like you from afar, Without expecting anything more. But the feelings are getting deeper, I want more, I want to be closer, I want to know you better. I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't wish for Your feelings to match mine, Even though you're not making any moves to show it. I realize I might be the only one, Admiring you from a distance But don't worry, these feelings will stay here. I'm okay being here, you over there. There were moments when I sensed, Maybe, just maybe, you felt the same, But the recent days told a different story. The look in your eyes is not the same, It's gone, they're not there anymore. Reality hit me; this is not going anywhere, And I know it's for the best for everyone. I want you to know, if I have a chance one day, I'm grateful for the brief time You made my days extra happy and colorful. I still hope and pray you find the right person, Someone who loves you better, Builds you up, encourages you. I'll be happy to see you happy, Even if I'm not the reason for it, I'll never be a part of it, And I accept that. This started without you knowing, And it will end without you knowing. I admire you from afar, And I'm glad I have the ability To never act on it, Because that's the right thing to do.
As I closed my journal, I realized it was wet with tears falling from my eyes. Why am I even crying over this? I think I’m just overwhelmed with all the emotions from the past months. I prayed and was honest with God about my feelings because I know He will never judge me; He understands. I asked for wisdom to do the right thing.
‘God, give me the courage to tell my husband,’ I prayed. ‘I’ll try my best to move on from these feelings for Bryan. Please remove these emotions and let me focus on my relationship with David. I still wish Bryan the best in life.’ I prayed. My eyes and brain are tired.
Returning to bed, I heard my phone chime and wondered what it was at this hour. It’s 12 midnight. A notification from my Facebook account caught my attention.
Bryan Oliver sent you a friend request
THE END.
NOTE: IN THIS FICTIONAL TALE, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ACTUAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, OR EXISTING LOCATIONS IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL AND UNINTENDED.
Hello, dear readers. Here’s the last chapter. I have mixed emotions. I appreciate those who continue to follow this story of love and friendship – Unspoken Words, Admiring You from Afar. Thank you for your support from the beginning to the end.
For those who haven’t read it yet, you can read it here.
- Chapter 1: Admiring You From Afar
- Chapter 2: First Encounter
- Chapter 3: The Dance of Hearts
- Chapter 4: Heartbeats and Hidden Smiles
- Chapter 5: Surprise Visit and Shy Encounter
- Chapter 6: Uncharted Feelings: Exploring the Mysteries of Connection and Soulmates
- Chapter 7: Echoes of Emotions
- Chapter 8: Silent Connections
- Chapter 9: Heart Paths: Love, Friends & Faith
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