One of the lessons I have learned in the past few days is to set boundaries. It was not an easy learning, but I am glad I finally stood up for myself.
To be nice or kind to anyone we meet is part of our daily lives, especially at work. But recently, I realized that I should not be too kind. Some people will try to take advantage of you, no matter how respectful and kind you try to be.
I need to set boundaries for this man
There is this man who always compliments me when he sees me. Whenever I see him, he would greet me. I would smile and greet back at him just like I am to everybody else. He would compliment me and tell me I am beautiful. I would thank him for it. Never did I give any other meaning to it.
It was on a Sunday, and I worked alone on the morning shift. He came to the gift shop where I work. We greeted each other. For some reason, we talked about his relationship, and he shared that his partner left him and went to the Netherlands. I asked why he did not follow her there. He decided to stay in Aruba for the rest of his life.
He knows that I am married and have two kids. I was clear to him from the beginning. I remember the first time he saw me at that store a few years ago, and he asked me if I was single. And I enthusiastically told him while showing him my ring that I was married.
To make this long story short, at the end of the conversation, he told me to try to have two men in my life, him and my husband. Whether he was joking or not, I did not find it appropriate to talk to me that way.
I said, ‘No I am not that kind of person.’ And he kept telling me I am very beautiful. I still chose to smile and be nice to him. He left. Then, In my mind, I was thinking “Okay.. this is getting weird, I need to set boundaries.”
Days passed he came again to the store. But I was not the same as I used to be towards him. I became cold and did not want to have a conversation with him. He bought some stuff in the store and suddenly told my colleague to teach me Spanish. “I feel like she has a lot of things to tell me,” he said. (in Spanish).
Dang, the nerve.
He was standing next to me while I was helping another client. I assisted him first before them. He was supposed to leave after. He was offering me the snack that he bought. “No, thank you,” I said. And I did not want to look at him. I gave him his change and turned to help others. At the side of my eye, I could see that he was looking at me. And I find that creepy.
When he was about to leave, as he stood by the door, he gave me a stare that I was not comfortable with. And that scared the heck out of me. When all the guests left the store, I asked my other colleague if she saw how he looked at me. She did. We both found it creepy. It was uncomfortable.
I decided to complain about him
I felt harassed. And, that moment, I decided to report and complain about him at the hotel he works at. This is new to me. I do not usually complain about people. Honestly, I was not sure if I needed to do that or what. I did not want to get someone into trouble. Should I tell him to stop talking to me that way and that he should respect me? Even at that point, though I did not feel safe yet, I still thought about others. Even though the behavior is not acceptable, I still think about not making any issues.
That moment I made a decision that I had to think about myself. “It’s me, this time.” Because I always set aside my needs for others, I would end up letting people step on me without me standing up for myself. I let go of things quickly because I do not want to be a bother. But now, I realize that I need to prioritize myself too. It is not selfish to take care of myself and my needs. It is important to stand up for myself and not let others take advantage of me. So I am taking a step back and making myself a priority. I have to set boundaries.
He got a warning
I finally decided to report him. I talked to a manager about what had happened. The issue was brought to the HR department, and he received a verbal warning. He is not allowed to have a conversation with us. He can still come to buy stuff, but it is grab, pay, and go.
I was just being nice, and someone just took advantage of that. Unaware that maybe he took my kindness to feed his delusions that I would like him differently. I asked myself, ‘Was I too nice to him? Was I at fault?’
NO. Because I am nice to everyone I meet, I respect whoever they are. A housekeeper, gardener, boss, or anyone, young and old, I would treat them the same.
Set Boundaries
Therefore, just because we are nice to people does not mean we should let others disrespect us.
Be kind still, but it is good to set boundaries.
Thank you for your time reading. Be safe, everyone.
